aloneliness

I'm the only one in the house right now, I've been the only one here since about 6. But I seem to have just realized, I'm alone, now I'm lonely. Being alone in this house isn't so fun, weird things happen. I'm kinda freaked out. The cat just brought a mouse inside, it was alive, just. I watched her eat it, it's completely gone! It was horrible. It was alive and then it was just, gone. And when I came back the TV had turned itself on! I have no idea why. It also turned itself off. The iMac isn't working well, so I'm on Jamie's computer. I have something corporate up real loud. I can feel it. Last night I wanted to be alone, now I am, I wish it was last night again. Last night my friends were here, it was my party. It didn't go so well. I was fighting with one of my friends, another was sick, two were only here for a little while and one just didn't show up at all. I'd been planning it for ages, one of my friends told me like everyday that she couldn't come, so I didn't give her the invitation. I didn't want her to come much either, she annoys the fuck out of us all. But last saturday she tried to invite herself. So we told her that she wouldn't be able to come. She isn't talking to me now. I was sick most of the week, so I didn't have to deal with it. But she got angry at my best friend. She was trying to make out that it was her fault too. I gave her a sorry card on thursday. she didn't even look at me. I do not ever want to go back to school. Every things fucked up. I was trying not to cry thursday lunch, so I went home. I don't even know how it got like this. It was bearable before, now it's just, i don't know, fucked up. maybe I could be sick or the rest of term. It's my birthday tuesday. No one knows what I like. They think they do. I think there's two people that know what I like. My sister and a girl in my english class who hardly ever speaks to me. I know my sister will get me something good, she always does. She is my hero. I don't want to move. I'm scared I'll find a mouse head or something. I want to dance. I want to go into a coma until tuesday, then again until, forever.