This next week is not going to be good. My parents are home every day, it's bad enough on the weekend. And the only friend that lives close is now 800km away so I'm never going to be able to get out. I had a fight with mum last night because she wants me to come to this boring old people party on new years eve but I want to do something with my friends and she was yelling at me and telling me I have to do family stuff and not organize stuff with other people. But I told her ages ago that I wanted to do something with friends and she only decided on wednesday that she was going to this party thing. She probably wont let me do anything now. It's so annoying having them home. Dads trying to figure me out, but he doesnt even know how old I am. Hes trying to convince me to work for him when I finnish school. He sais he's gonna pay me heaps, but he doesnt even have enough money to pay the people that work there now. I don't care how much money I'll get, there's no way I'm working for him, he treats everyone like crap. I wish he would leave. 

I'm also the problem though, I want to leave. They're always yelling at me. 

I am Megan

I haven't slept for so long. I just lie awake staring at the ceiling, waiting for it to collapse like everything else. I thought about how much I want everything to change. But nothing ever changes, no matter how hard I try. 

I couldn't stop. I needed it so much. There was blood everywhere, all over my sheets, and my clothes, and my arms and legs.

Their words do not help. They pretend like they know me, yet all that is me is my name. How can they know me when I have no idea who I am? 

happy monday!!!!!!!!

hope it was a good one. We had our very first monday party today! we plastered sticky notes everywhere and made a sticky note trail to the sticky note treasure. But it was soooo windy and they kept flying off so I bought some sticky tape to stick them but then we stopped coz we had to go say bye to ashley. she's traveling around aus all next year :( so I wrapped katelin in tape coz I wanted to use it. It was quite hilarious! and then I taped mel and rhianna to katelin and we all sang I'm Sticking With You by The Velvet Underground. We looked really quite sus sticking post-its on ATMs and windows and cars and seats hehe and we got the most hilarious looks when i wrapped them in tape :D and Katelin got a strange tie from the op shop and we convinced her to wear it all day :) 'twas a good day

that is cake tin fashioning a hilarious "vintage" tie and lovely cheap black and gold brand "cello tape" wtf is cello?       oh yeah question      is there caramello koalas in America???? I'm in love with caramello koalas, no jokes. 

  

ummm... holidays?

I'm bored and this is going to sound fucking mad, but I didn't want school to end today. It was good today and I would have stayed in today forever if I could. You know that excitement, when you know that something great is happening, like no more school for seven weeks. That feeling beats anything else. And for once everyone was happy and it was easy. These holidays will never be as fun as the past years. My friend is going to Perth for most of the time and I'm not allowed out of here. 

I'm really trying to convince mum to buy me a good camera for christmas. but they're like $300 so I'm gonna get all the money I have in the bank as well as the money I got for my birthday and all the money I get for christmas and put it towards the camera and hopefully I can get it, probably not though. 

I don't want next year to happen,  year ten is all about choosing TEE subjects and career choice and boring stuff that confuses me. I don't want to do TEE but I have to. It's so unfair. My sister dropped out in year 10 and went to tafe, but I have to stay and do TEE and go to uni. I've never wanted to go to uni, but my sister did, it's messed up. I have no idea what job I want, I don't care about jobs and all the things that lots of people are obsessed with, like marriage and kids and that. My friends have everything planned, they're all perfect and know everything. They treat me like I have absolutely no future, one of them even told me I have no future coz I don't want to do all what they are going to do. They said that I could never change the world, that I couldn't help any one. They have no Idea.

ahh my face is burning

mostly of sun burn, but also of happiness. Woody was sooooooo fun/funny. turns out that I didn't have to be there by 8, so I was good. But it was wierd coz I have been getting up at like 2pm for the last forever. And I got to see my friends again :D some of them anyway. When we were waiting to get on the boat my science teacher, who is hilarious and scary at the same time, came up to me and was telling me to relax and sit next to her and talk to her when we got to woody. And then she was like you look cold, have my jumper, then she just tied her jumper around my shoulders and left. I told her that I was fine coz I already had a jacket on, but she was like, no you have to be warmer! But the trip over was soo fun. We were doing the cruise around all the islands which was annoying coz we just wanted to get to woody. But we were on the top deck and it was soooo windy, it was hilarious. Every ones hair looked like it had been all gelled up after :) And we got bored so we played tongues and some other card game that Melissa made up. Then when we finally got to Woody we had the most delicious chocolate cake ever and the yuckiest cordial stuff ever. After many pieces of cake we went down to the bay and went swimming. It took ages to get in the water coz we weren't allowed out on the jetty adn the only way to get in was through many slippery rocks coz there's no sand at Woody. but we finally got in and looked deep down at the awesome fishies and scary seaweed. But it was completely too freezing so we went to the awesomest sun bathing rock ever, we named it Arthur. Then we had to have lunch, but we weren't allowed to buy from the kiosk and all there was to eat was sausages and vegetarian sausages. When I asked for a veggo sausage the guy was like do you want classic or supreme? and so I said what ever so he gave me both :) but they aren't all that yummy and I only had one piece of bread so it was pretty yuck, but better than eating mashed up pigs guts and random other things. And I got a coke from my cousin then went to sit on arthur some more, but other people were ther. So I went snorkeling a bit then we all went to scare the people off arthur. We are quite good at scaring people, we decided that we shall become professional scarers :) So we went and sat on arthur with the random people and started talking hell loud about random things and then we really scared them off by talking about nudist colonies :D And then we had to go back home. The boat trip back was so boring coz it wasn't windy and we didn't go fast. But we put on a shadow puppet show for people about The retarded fox that looked more like a foot who warned funny looking mrs Chicken that the other foxes were going to steel her vegan porridge. Then we thought that the boat was going to sink because lots of people were wearing white and Katelin decided that they were all angels that were going to heaven, and we had eaten death. Nice. When we got back to the port me mel and naomi had to walk to the office so mum could take us home, but we went to the bakery instead and made a fool of our selves :D We kept walking up and down along the counter trying to decide what to have and the girl serving us kept looking at us strange. We were like"ooh i want that, but I want that! no that!" hehe and in the end we all ended up having the same thing and the girl laughed at us muchly, but we laughed at us more. And I felt very much like a tourist coz I was walking round town in my boardies and bathers when it was still school time :) there is so very many tourists here now, it's funny. But cool coz they stop and wait for you to cross the road at the things that look like zebra crossings but really aren't. So I have decided that today was the best day I have had for a very long forever! And only 3 more days til the holidays!!!!!! YYYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited for our happy monday parties, all my friends are coming!! hope you had a wonderful day too!

happy monday eve

hopefully tomorrow will be good. I'm going to woody island for a reward day thing. I'm not sure why I was picked for a reward day, but I'm happy. I'm not feeling as bad today so hopefully I'll be good tomorrow. But we have to be at the jetty by 7 am! And coz I haven't been to school for the last 2 weeks I don't know much about it. I'll probably just go and sleep on my special sunbathing rock. It's this rock that we found when we were camping there last year. It's perfect, it's completely flat and in the sun. And my cousin is working over there so I'll go talk to her and get some ice cream and stuff :) and my friend said that she'll come sit with me for a bit if I'm not up to swimming and hiking :)

I had to go christmas shopping with my 8yr old cousin yesterday. I felt so sick and I could hardly stand up let alone follow her around town for hours. I was trying to find presents for people but all I got was some mints for my friend and a bag for my sister. And I've got to make presents for my friends but I don't know what to make :(  I know what I'm giving my very best friend who deserves a billion things, I made her a CD of all songs that she loves and a book that I did. It's funny, it's a kids book coz she loves them and it's all about how awesome she is :) Christmas is boring me already. It's going to be soooo boring christmas day. but I'm excited coz mum's gonna get me a Lets Talk Tactics shirt!! it wont be here until after new years though coz it's coming from england. but normally my aunty and my gran give the kids presents, but this year we get money that we're not allowed to spend. coz mum want's to go to Thailand next year for vesak. But we don't even have enough money to survive here, so we cant do anything or buy anything. it sux. And there's nothing to do on christmas because every one is boring and watches cricket and sleeps and eats. And I've had to save forever because my family are shallow and will hate me if I don't buy them big presents. But they never buy me much. Mum asks me what i want and then is like "you don't want that, you want this" shes always trying to prove me wrong. Like when the doctor asked me questions about if i feel depressed and what ever mum was like "no she's a happy girl, she just doesn't eat good" 

I have to take iron tablets coz I don't have enough iron and I have to eat all these yuck foods that have iron, because I don't eat meat except when mum forces me sometimes. So I have to have weet bix and spinach and eggs. But mum will kill me if I don't. 

And I'm not allowed to leave here in the holidays. I'm not even allowed to go to perth when mum goes. Mum wont let me do anything for new years either. I'm never allowed to do anything with my friends.

look! over there -->

aha, I, Megan something something, have 3 followers! sounds like some sort of religion. Ooh lets start a cult!  it shall be smeg-headidity and when you join you will become an honorary smeg head, just like me! and we shall not ever say "were changing the world for the better" No one starts a cult to make the world a better place. It's just a bunch of loonies who want to see other people turn into loonies. Sounds perfect for me!

Speaking of me, I went to Dr. Dad-of-a-guy-in-my-maths-class yesterday. (good segue  or what!?) I woke up with a sore throat for the 8th day in a row, but yesterday mum actually cared. Weird. So I had to get out of bed and go to the doctor :( but my nose didn't want to get up, so it started bleeding in protest. 15 minutes and 1 tissue box later we came to an agreement, I promised to do some sort of exercise every day in the holidays and in return it stopped bleeding. So I moped off to the doctors with mum.Dr. Dad-of-a-guy-in-my-maths-class asked many questions and id some tests. Then he started asking me questions like "do you have a good mum?" I kinda had to say yes, because she was sitting right next to me and is good friends with Mrs. Mr-Dr. He said I had signs of depression, silly man. Anyway, he must be good if he can spot depression from a sore thoat. But he thought I might have glandular fever. So off to the hospital I went, so that the nice lady could suck my blood. But after the blood stopped coming out of my arm, it started coming out of my nose and my mouth! So for the rest of the day everything tasted like blood.

I don't think I'll become a vampire anytime soon :)

blahhh....

I've been sick the last 3 days. I feel horrible! I physically can not eat anything with out feeling immense pain and, horribleness. My head is killing me! And the computer keeps turning off! and I have to write my magazine article for english, but it keeps disappearing and I can't be bothered to find my sister to steal her computer and father dear father is, somewhere, I can't ever be bothered finding him, even though he is a computer expert person. blah... So Wednesday I slept ALL day lol but when I woke up I was starving and suffering from severe head explodingness. yesterday I was watching flight of the concords, if you haven't seen that GO NOW!! it's very funny. And I only just woke up an hour or so ago. at least I haven't had to go to school, hopefully I can be like this until monday, mondays are the worst of all worsts!!! I think we have to do a presentation on our article, but hopefully I don't have to. Because I'm going to pathway 1 class, which is the nerdy class, for the rest of the year I think. There's only like 2 or 3 weeks left, but I hate my class now, every thing you write, they're like "oh my god, freak" being a freak is fun but. It's just that they have been poisoned into thinking that it is a bad thing, which it never was and never will be. 

Have I told you about our plans for every monday parties in the holidays? well every monday we're going to go down town and entertain people :) we're going to have conversations with loud speakers and do that thing where you all point up at the sky and every one else is all confused coz they don't know what were looking at, and then we're gonna be like "oh my gosh! oh no!!!! RUN!!!!!!!" and just sprint off lol and every one will be like wtf!!?? and we're going to stick random sticky notes everywhere with like you are loved on them and R2R will rule the world :) should be good! 

I think I shall go now, I can't actually see lol can't be good...

why are clouds such heavenly things when they just rain on you?

I've heard from so many people that every one has a story, and every ones story should be heard. But yesterday I was asked for my story. I don't know what my story is. I suppose this is kind of my story, but not really, it's just thoughts. Is that a story? I was taught that stories have a beginning, a middle and an end, thats how it goes right? I don't know where mine began. When I was born? so I was two months early, Is that what starts my story? or what about when I tried to run away, didn't get far, no one realized, and I got bored, there's no where to go here, closest town is 200k away. Or maybe when I first cut, or the first day I wished I was dead, I can't even remember when that was. Or are all these things the middle of my story? The middle of my story is still going isn't it? every one's story is still going. It keeps going until we die, but they don't have endings like the books. Everything doesn't get resolved, we might not find the answer, it doesn't end with a big scene of people hugging. It just stops, sometimes mid sentence, and THE END! It could seem like it's the middle, and then suddenly it's the end. Is that how it works? still doesn't help me. What's my story? what's your story?